Ink Blots

I think I would constantly grip the steering wheel way too hard when I finally drive.
Being the control freak that I am, it wouldn’t be very surprising, now would it?
This morning I realised I’m exhausted from holding on too tightly.

I have been in control. Solo. All the way. Selfish me.
I am worn out but I can’t let go.
My stubborn hands are glued to the wheels. I am THAT selfish.

I want to run somewhere to find a release.
That thinner to unglue my hands.
The heart is strong, but the flesh is weak.

My heart is slightly lighter after floating for half an hour.
Dried by the salty chlorine water.
Alone.

I want, need a quiet day alone.
Just to listen to my own heartbeat.
And hopefully amongst the steady rhythm, His voice.

His gentle whisper.
His comforting words.
My thinner.

And so I’ve actually found a plan B and C.
I will be disciplined.
Whether rain or shine - I am getting my arse moving.

Plan A has just been executed.
Tick.
Where has the structured life I’ve built for myself gone to?

Here comes the rush of energy.
Done.
I’m running. And I’ll keep running.

Sitting at the back seat never felt better